angel food for thought

1. Secret
2. Bumble Bee
3. Flight Attendant
4. Being in Love
5. Inventory
6. Deep Sixin’
7. knitting
8. I Say
9. The Wait
10. I been redeemed
11. Spelling Bee
12. The Sweater
13. Job Application
14. The Pope
15. Sharkhead
16. Martina
17. Maidenform
18. Confide
19. clothes
20. Barbie

Secret
I'm here
where I want to be
Seven thousand miles from infinity
No one knows
where I am.
It's quiet
here with me
I'm filling in the spaces where the killings used to be
There's no phone,
and no way home
Been a long time coming
Been a long time.
I'm here
where I want to be
Seven thousand miles from infinity
No one knows
where I am but me.

Bumble Bee
I've met a wonderful man, and I think we're going to have a beautiful relationship together. He followed me out of the bank the other day, and spontaneously bought me flowers! Actually he held up the flowers and said that he wished he could buy them for me, but he'd left his wallet at home ... so I bought the flowers, and we laughed and walked and talked and he told me all about himself ... I mean, how could I resist?
I'm bringing home a baby bumble bee
Won't my mama be so proud of me
I'm bringing home a baby bumble bee
Oooowee, it stung me.
I probably should have resisted. Never trust a man. Why didn't read those articles in SELF magazine more carefully; I probably could have avoided this. The man is married, okay? Married, a thief, and a lousy lover too. I definitely should have resisted.
I'm squishing up my baby bumble bee
Won't Gloria Steinem be so proud of me
I'm squishing up my baby bumble bee
Oooowee, it's all over me.
I’ve got to do something about my life; I can’t believe this has happened to me again. I’m thinking of starting a line of evil voodoo greeting cards ...
I'm licking up my baby bumble bee
Don’t want evidence of my stupidity
I'm licking up my baby bumble bee
Ooo – oh – Ooo – oh – Ooo
Oh, you know I was still nurturing a tender broken heart when my Visa bill rolled in, up to its limit in purchases I don't recall making, and oddly enough, old Mr. Married-Head's phone has been disconnected. But you know, it really doesn’t matter. Tonight I went for the first time to a New Age support group that I read about in the newspaper ... and I’m already beginning to feel my anger dissolve away.
I’m throwing up my baby bumble bee
Won’t my bulimic past lives be so proud of me
I’m throwing up my baby bumble bee
Ooo-ohm
Meditation and therapy take up a lot of my time now. But that’s all right – I have very little money to go out since I starting donating 80% of my wages to the Crystal Light and Breakfast Cereal Healing Centre. I’ve learned to laugh and play like a child all over again. The married man and creditors’ notices mean nothing compared to the personal development I feel in my deep and centred heart.
I realize that I am in love with my instructor. There is a light in his eyes as bright as the aura around his head. With our mantras, we channel the world’s energy into him and the orgasms are like lightning through the mirror of my soul. Ooo-eee. Never trust a man? I can't believe I said that once.
I'm bringing home another bumble bee
Won't my mama be so proud of me
I'm bringing another baby bumble bee
Oooo-ooo-weeee.

Flight Attendant
Please extinguish all cigarettes and
ensure that your seatbacks and trays are in the upright and locked position.
I want to be a flight attendant; I can save you all.
Look to me for your instructions when the plane begins to fall.
Once I wanted to be a nun til I found out what it takes from you
Now I’ve settled on flight attendant, and I know my heart is true.
I’ll never want to touch down, never want to see the ground
I’ll never get lonely, cause I’ll always fly away.
I want to point out exits in a calm assuring way.
Being a nun is such a selfish thing when
you think of the comfort you can bring each day as a flight attendant.
You’ll all be like children to me, and my affection will be real
(For the duration of the flight, anyway –
here’s your blanket, here’s your meal)
And when the flight I bid you fond adieu...
Then three hundred other people get on board,
and my affection starts anew!
I’ll fly out every day knowing death may take this flight
I’ll be so strong and ready, pushing open the emergency doors
and pushing you out, down the inflatable slide, into the water,
each of you holding on
to your seat cushion as your personal flotation device....
And I will be the last to leave the plane.
When even the pilot’s safe,
I’ll push off and swim away as the plane bursts into flames.
And my knotted scarf will stay in place,
and the waves will lap my strong face
and I will have saved you all, oh I want to be a flight attendant.
I want to be the one to pull your mask down in case of fire.
I want to fly forever, and my arms will never tire.

Being in Love
being in love really sucks
being in love really sucks
being in love really sucks
being in love sucks
I met a boy and a boy met me
and we got together and we made a baby
and I didn’t want it and neither did he,
but here comes bouncing baby Julie.
and that sucks.
a kiss and a hug and a couple of fucks
being in love really sucks
being in love really sucks
being in love sucks
I met a boy and a boy met me
and we got together and we made a baby
and I didn’t want it and neither did he,
but here comes bouncing baby Tony.
and that sucks too.
being in love really sucks
being in love really sucks
babies cost a lot of money,
please don’t make me fuck you honey
well you’ll never guess what
I like a boy and a boy likes me,
and we got together and we made a baby
And I don’t want it and neither does he
but here comes baby number three.

Inventory
That was given to me, stole that from my family
That was given to me, I bought that,
I bought that and I bought that.
I bought that, that was given to me
stole that from my family
I bought that and bought that;
that was given to me
Stole that from my family,
that was stolen from me.
I’m labelling the stuff I got
Figuring what I’ve lost
I’m looking into boxes trying to see myself
Everything was close together when I woke up today.
I bought that, that was given to me, stole that from my family
That was given to me, I bought that, and that
That was given to me,
stole that from my family
The welcome mat destroyed by the cat
that I let in one day.
It could not settle down, so I had to let it go
This house isn’t mine and that I know
the truth coming out of the melting snow
of the lawn of the previous owner
Oh!
It’s in the way the windows close to greet me when it rains
That was given to me, stole that from my family
That was given to me, I bought that,
I bought that and I bought that.
I bought that, that was given to me
stole that from my family
I bought that and bought that;
that was given to me
Stole that from my family,
that was stolen from me.

Deep Sixin’
I'm going deep sixin with a sixpack
Going downtown to MEET MY BROTHER,
gonna go deep sixin with a sixpack.
I got my lungs in my hand, and my smokes on the stairs,
and face in the subway train of DOOM,
and I'm going deep sixin,
going deep.
Going downtown with my heart in a bag
Shell in my boot and hell in my head
and I’m going sixin’,
going deep.
I'm getting rolled and mugged alone,
they took my heart and stole my lungs,
and left me lying without the bag or the smokes or anything.
But they can't take my sixpack away, no.
Lying wheezing concrete flesh
and flash of drone of scream of sorry
I'm deep sixin now baby, I'm deep sixin now
With my sixpack safe deep inside.
Yes, my sixpack's safe, deep inside.

knitting
I'm knitting myself a hat
and I'm sewing up a head to wear it on,
and I'll never be this lonely again.
I'm making myself some mittens,
and I'm stitching my fingers together to keep them warm inside,
and I'll never think about it,
and I'll never touch myself again.
I'm knitting myself a sweater
to cover the body I'm wearing
and the sweater will hang to my knees
and my hair will grow to the floor,
and I'll never go outside again.

I Say
I need violent dying
I need quiet time
If you don't believe me as I slide in the sea ...
It doesn't matter much to me.
I lie down and I float nowhere
I know why, because I lie,
just hearing my mouth open
I feel the water on my skin
dry.
I scorn and shame you,
berate and blame you
I beg you to come to me.
It's easy; you let me.
Don't leave me.
Now you won’t come out tonight
Your clothes are clung to you with fright
How am I here again
I fear the mornings as they pull near.
I need violent dying
I need quiet times
Hear me, save me as I slide in the sea.
No hands, no one. No.

The Wait
Oh my love, you are worth your weight in subway tokens.
You are the crunch of tires in the snow
and wheedling breath-tick of the engine when it starts in the night.
You are the click-smash of the fork against the teeth.
My love,
you are worth your weight in jalapeno peppers and margarita pies,
You are the sting of sand in the eye when I get warm at the beach
And the stingray threat as I walk into the ocean.
Oh my love you are that incredible clamp-clump sensation
when I’m underwater and I don't think I can make it back
to the surface again before I die
Oh you are worth your weight in popcorn husks stuck between my teeth
and nobody needs you like I do
You are the satisfying crush crunch of the cockroach underneath my trembling hand .....
Oh my love, you are worth the wait.

I been redeemed
1974. The year I found God. And lost him.
I been redeemed by the blood of the lamb
I been redeemed by the blood of the lamb
I been redeemed by the blood of the lamb
and filled with the Holy Ghost I am
I been redeemed by the blood of the lamb
Let it be known that I was fairly young and the indoctrination was very strong. It was in my homeroom class every day where I heard about livin' in torment if I didn't walk with Jesus.
Old Satan's mad, but I'm so glad
Old Satan's mad, but I'm so glad
Old Satan's mad, but I'm so glad
'cause he lost another soul that he thought he had
Old Satan's mad, but I'm so glad
It was a public school, with the science teacher – hardly the right place, but who was to tell? Would you go home and tell your atheist parents, and risk the wrath of God?
Jesus loves you, Jesus loves me
Jesus loves you, Jesus loves me
Jesus loves you, Jesus loves me
and I know that he loves everybody
Jesus loves you, Jesus loves me
So I started going to Pioneer Girls in my little blue uniform, which I've since lost, and to Christian Fellowship, and I started to see movies starring Pat Boone at the church in the evening. I don't even remember what church it was, or what faith, but I do remember the time I fell at the altar, weeping on my knees, somebody's mother hovering crouching beside me, asking me if I really ready to accept Christ into my heart. "Yes! Yes!" I cried, I wept. "Yes!"
Won't you make him your saviour too.
Won't you make him your saviour too.
Won't you make him your saviour too,
Eternal life he'll give to you
Won't you make him your saviour too.
And then later in the car, my hot-from-crying face against the window, shutting out the conversation around me, I thought about what I'd said .....and I already doubted it. So intangible, so surreal.
Lettin' Christ into my heart? I didn't even know the man.
And then summer came, and the fervor died, and the following year I fell in love with the red-haired boy two rows over, and that was much less painful.
I been redeemed by the blood of the lamb
I been redeemed by the blood of the lamb
I been redeemed by the blood of the lamb
and filled with the Holy Ghost I am
I been redeemed by the blood of the lamb

Spelling Bee
I was the Spelling Bee Queen of 1965, man.
The principal hauled me out of the grade two team spelling bee, out into the hall, told me not to be such a pain in the ass, and not to B-E-R-A-T-E the other little children.
Well, I looked properly A-P-O-L-O-G-E-T-I-C, but inside I was thinking, “C-H-R-I-S-T. If this guy can’t A-P-P-R-E-C-I-A-T-E the fact that I’ve got a huge V-O-C-A-B-U-L-A-R-Y .... well that’s his hang-up man, not mine.”
So I W-A-L-T-Z-E-D back into the classroom, stood up on my T-I-N-Y chair, and shouted, "Down with The Establishment, man! Disestablishmentarianism!
D-I-S-E-S-T-A-B-L-I-S-H-M-E-N-T-A-R-I-A-N-I-S-M. Man."

The Sweater
Girls, I know you will understand this, and feel the intrinsic, incredible emotion. You have just pulled over your head the worn, warm sweater belonging to A Boy. Now you haven't had a passionate kissing session or anything, but you got to go on a camping trip with him and eight other people from school, and you practically slept together, your sleeping bag right next to his, and you woke in the night to watch him as he slept, but you couldn't see anything 'cause it was dark, so you just lay there and listened to his breathing, and wondered if your heart might burst.
The sweater has that slightly goat-like smell which all teenage boys possess, and that smell will lovingly transfer to all your other clothes. If you get to keep it for a few days, you can sleep with it, but don't let your mom see because she'll say, 'What is that filthy thing, and who does it belong to besides the trashman?' .... So you have to keep it under the covers, with you. You can kind of lie it beside you, or wrap it around your waist, or touch it on your legs or whatever, but that's your business.
Now if the sweater has, like, reindeer on it, or is a funny colour like yellow – I'm sorry you can't get away with a sweater like that. Look for brown or grey or blue. Anything other than that and you know you're dealing with someone who's different. And different is not what you're looking for.
You're looking for those teenage alpine ski chiselled features, and that sort of blank look which passes for deep thought or at least the notion that someone's home. You're looking for the boy of your dreams who is the same boy in the dreams of all of your friends.
Now the sweater isn't going fit you of course, so you have to kind roll up the sleeves in a jaunty way that says, 'This is the sweater belonging to a boy, and the boy is a genuine hunka hunka burning love', and this is not just some hand-me-down from your brother or your father.
Monday, wear the sweater to school. Be calm, look cute. Don't tell him the dream you had about the place the two of you would share when you get older, just be yourself. The best, cutest, quietest version of yourself.
Definitely wear lip gloss.
He looks at you, and he looks away, and then he walks away, and the smell of the sweater hits you again, suddenly like ape-scent gloriola. And you get a note passed to you by a girl in history that says he needs his sweater back, he forgot that you put it on in the tent on Saturday and he's been looking for it.
And you don't have to die of humiliation, you know. You are a strong person and this is a learning experience. You can still hold your head up high as you run from the classroom, tearing the stinking sweater from your body.
You look at that sweater, carefully, and realize that love made you temporarily blind. You've got a secret now, honey, and though you would never sink as low as him, you could blab it all over the school if you wanted:
The label in that sweater said 100% acrylic.

Job Application
I’d like to apply for a job, yes, the job you have available
My manner is most saleable, and I hope you’ll find me suitable
for $5.15 an hour.
I really have the skills, you see, I’ve been to university
and though I studied history I’ve found my heart to truly be
in mens ties and socks, glass figurines, the discount shoe industry.
What makes me think I’d be good for this job?
Well, I love working with people ...
And I love riding the subway an hour and a half each way, let’s see
add those hours to my day, and I’ll be making a whopping.... $3.75 an hour!
No, sir – I do, I do want the job. Can’t you tell by my suit?
No, actually, I don’t own a dress. I don’t feel comfortable, I confess.
But hell, for $5.15 an hour,
I’ll endeavour to wear some colours other than black.
I enjoy working with the public, and I’m good with money ...
Oh yes, you’re right, all us girls are good with money,
Yes that’s charming, yes how funny.
I like a good work atmosphere where the boss says whatever he wants
and the rest of us just listen
I’m a very fast learner and I promise that if you give me this job
I’ll be the perfect subhuman and never let my contempt shine
in my worshipping eyes...
I love working with people and let’s see what else was I going to tell you ..
No, I don’t expect vacation pay and yes I’m available every day
and though I don’t like the evil way you’re looking at me,
I’ve got rent to pay.
And yes I can start on Saturday.

The Pope
It began as a regular day in my room with a cup of hot black coffee.
Well, sure I was depressed, but I always am,
some people love life, well not me.
But then the choppers came
two by two by ten
announcing Apocalypse of a different kind
So I ran out of my room, ran down the stairs,
down the street, into Nathan Phillips Square
people, people running and horses everywhere, yeah
The pope, pope, pope, pope, pope.
we all here to see the pope, pope, pope, pope, pope.
Well, you got your pope pennants, buttons, your pope clothes,
You got your pope binoculars to see him up close
and I cried when I saw that man in white.
I cried, much to my surrounders' delight.
I cried, 'cause I couldn’t breathe anymore; I cried
'cause people were stepping on my feet.
Hey, hey Mr. Holiness way over there,
Maybe we love you, but we're sadly lacking air.
Well I love that man, Pope John Paul the 3rd
I love him probably more than he deserves.
Okay, so he persecutes homosexuals, does not believe in abortion,
visits with Kurt Waldheim and tells us not to take the pill ...
There’s still a certain je ne sais quoi –
Some peace, some love, some goodwill.
Yeah, the pope, pope, pope, pope, pope.
we all here to see the pope, pope, pope, pope, pope.
Well, you got your pope pennants, buttons, your pope clothes,
You got your pope binoculars to see him up close
and I cried when I saw that man in white.
I cried, much to my surrounders' delight.
I cried, 'cause I couldn’t breathe anymore; I cried
'cause people were stepping on my feet.
Hey, hey Mr. Holiness way over there,
Maybe we love you, but we're sadly lacking air.
Then he scooted away in that great Popemobile
I was feeling so trampled, I didn’t know what else to feel
Then we all kissed the ground where John Paul had been ...
I can hardly wait till someone famous comes to town again.
Yeah, the pope, pope, pope, pope, pope.
Uh huh, the pope, pope, pope, pope, pope, pope, pope.

Sharkhead
I got heartache in my ribs
just as big as the over-inflated head on your shoulders.
So dramatic, baby.
So glad we came dinner together to watch you throw fits,
and food.
Bartenders are whispering, “Who does he think he is,
Just who the hell.”
I tell them with my sensible eyes that this is just a bad day for you.
See what I do for you?
And I sweetly hold your hands
as your hands hold up your head.
I find it hard to express the kind of joy I feel when we’re together.
So where’s the correlation to the boy who wrapped my feet this morning?
Who’s the one who holds me and the wall and cries?
And I know sweet, it is you,
okay, please keep your voice down, okay, I know, I love you.
I love you with all these aching ribs, chummy.
My friends said I would never be happy with you.
You said that history would prove them wrong.
You said did I want to be in your biography or not.
You said, "Swing with me or die a waitress."
And boy do we swing.
Oh my sweet sharkhead blasto-pal,
how I have learned to love the way you drool like that
when your head finally slumps to one side ...
Now can I call the taxi?

Martina
pump, pump, blow the dump
the steaming sewers
take the chance that only chancy chicks would take
and cakewalk home with icy brakes of spiky heels and clicks they make
and walk through your cold neighbourhood
but don't get raped, knock on wood
Martina hobbled home, breathing in time to the sounds of her footsteps on the pavement.
All the houses made hushy, silent sounds because it was a thick night at 3 a.m.
Nobody was around. That's the worst time, a part of her said.
But most of her just said vup, tup, vup, tup, vup, tup
to her swinging legs.
pump, pump, blow the dump
the steaming sewers
take the chance that only chancy chicks would take
and cakewalk home with icy brakes of spiky heels and clicks they make
and walk through your cold neighbourhood
but don't get raped, knock on wood

Maidenform
I dreamed I won the lottery in my Maidenform bra.
And my husband said I should buy stocks and bonds
And my kids said I should buy a boat and an amusement park
And my mother said why didn't I take a nice vacation.
And I bought myself a horse,
huge and foreign and gray,
(and she lived in our backyard)
And I dreamed I rode away on her,
my head pushing forward and my hair shooting back.

Confide
If you won't confide
what eats you up inside,
you will die.
This is a secret that's not yours to hold.
Spit it out, watch it corrode the ground,
the sidewalk a long molten stream.
Sulphurous stenching and choking our eyes –
Watch it slip into the sky.
Don't cut up your arms
and then cover with reasons you've used for too long
Scream it out; it will burn as it flies –
Watch it slip into the sky.

clothes
yes, the clothes make the man.
but the woman makes the clothes.
so what does that make the woman?

Barbie
Don’t throw your Barbie dolls in the ocean
There are more important things for them to do
Don’t throw your Barbie dolls in the ocean
They’re going to come back to manipulate you.
Barbie lives in a plastic apartment
with her own elevator and a phone
Barbie’s got a boyfriend with a suntan
and whenever Ken phones Barbie, she’s home.
Malibu beach parties, how come I can never go?
Barbie, you’ve got it all together
How come you always know what to do?
Barbie, you’ve got it all together
I wanna come and live with you.
Well I’m older now, but I still think of Barbie
I’ve got my own brown boyfriend, Ken
But my little room is pretty far from Barbie’s dream home,
And plastic dolls can’t make calls so Ken never phones.
Malibu beach parties, how come I still can never go?
Barbie, you had it all together
How come you always knew what to do?
Barbie, you had it all together
I wanted to live with you.
And I still want to live like you.
Barbie, Barbie.